neverwrongagent | Running away from home. Just like kids.

And with that she knew something was wrong. Something was really wrong. Her eyes narrowed at him. "Clearly very exciting." She let him climb in and start soaping before she spoke again. "What did you do?"

"I went for a run." Not that he could have met her eyes, even if he wanted to. He was basically caught and he knew it. If only he could have made it until she was asleep again. They'd have been fine if she hadn't been awake when he came in.

Oh, now she knew for sure. She watched him carefully, trying to tell how bad it was. Finally, she shook her head. "You can't do that. Beyond all the other reasons, it'll get us caught."

With that she walked out of the bathroom, leaving the towel behind, and went to get dressed. She wasn't having this conversation naked.

When she left the bathroom, he sighed and leaned forward against the wall, the water beating down on his back. After a moment, he reached down and made it hotter. His skin had started to tingle and the water felt really good. Being under the heat gave hi a chance to just get lost in that feeling and not worry about the fact that Carrie, who'd given up everything to keep him alive, was not happy with him in the least.

Not happy didn't begin to cover it. Scared shitless was much closer. She had given up everything, but then so had he. What hadn't been taken from him, anyway. Regardless, all they had was each other. And she knew just how fragile she was. They wouldn't make if if he did this. No amount of sympathy could change that.

She sat on the end of the bed and waited for him.

He came out of the bathroom only after the hot water was gone and the cold water had started to bother him. He was drying himself off a bit on the vigorous side as he came out, all of which stopped when he saw her sitting there, waiting for him.

She didn't look up at him, but she did take a deep breath before speaking. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've wanted that for a while now. I've believed in it when that didn't make any sense at all." She paused and licked her lips. "But if you're going to kill yourself with that stuff, you need to tell me now. I don't judge you for it. It's my fault. But I need to know."

Maybe if it hadn't come out all as one continuous thought he would have been able to handle it. But to get it all like that, the statement of desire and the taking of the blame, was too much for him.

He looked at her for a long time, then went and sat in the room's one chair. The combination of all the hot and cold water, and the meth itself, made him far paler then normal, with his scars, all of them, standing in sharp contrast. He unconsciously rubbed at his gut shot scar, that pain now back in full thanks to the completely misfiring neurons in his head.

"Too much, too fast." Even he wasn't sure if he meant her statement or everything in the last few days. Not that it really mattered. It was still just the pathetic excuse of an addict being an addict.

Luckily for him, either of those answers would be graded as correct. She groaned softly and went to kneel in front of him. She hoped by making herself even smaller, it would make things easier for him to process. "I'm sorry we don't have more time. I'm sorry this is all so--" She shrugged. "That stuff changes who you are. And it'll kill you."

She shook her head. "I brought you out here to save you."

He reached out and lightly pet her hair as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I..." He sighed hard and turned away, taking his hand from her hair before it clenched tight and hurt her.

"It wouldn't stop."

She nodded slightly, leaning into his hand before he pulled away. "I can't get how it is for you. Every situation is different. But I do get what it is to feel like something outside you is in control of your brain." She sighed softly. "It'll stop. Then it'll come back. But there are better ways to stop it."

He shuddered hard, then he was on his feet and around her, headed for the bathroom. The sound of retching followed a few moments later, what remained in his stomach taking the fastest route out of his body.

Hopefully that would clear out some of the poison. She Got him a bottle of water and went to the bathroom with it. Sitting on the edge of the tub, she waited until he was ready to take it. While she waited, she dampened one of the rough wash clothes for him.

He took the water after a few minutes, rinsing his mouth out with half of it, then downing the rest. Once the bottle was empty, he sank back against the base of the sink and closed his eyes, just working to steady himself.

She shifted behind him, putting her hand on his shoulder before gently rubbing the wash cloth over the back of his neck. Touch had always helped them, even the simplest touches, and she hoped that was still true. "I'll be in this place one day. I'll miss a couple pills, think I'm okay, then I'll be flying. We take care of each other."

He nodded. "Just needed to take the edge off, make the itch go away." It even sounded like a pathetic excuse to his own ear, but that was how it had happened. The run hadn't helped. "I didn't want to bother you with it." A simple task he had rather epicly failed at, in hind sight.

She looked at him for a long moment, then shook her head. "And now you know." He knew it was stupid. He knew she didn't want him to do it. He knew she had his back. And if the thought about it, really thought about it, he'd know the last, most important bit. "I promise to be open with you about how I feel. The illness. The way I get. Will you promise to talk to me about this?"

He thought about that for a few moments, then nodded. "I know I should have. But I didn't want to bother you." Anymore was the implication.

"I'm sorry." And he really was. Which wouldn't likely stop him from doing it again, of course. It was a coping mechanism, pure and simple. One that had been replaced by a relentless training regiment, something he did not have now.

She believed he was sorry, but she didn't let that hide her expression of displeasure. For a moment she considered letting it stop there, but that wasn't the best idea. They both had brains that filled in the blanks in wrong ways. "I know. I never doubted that." She exhaled slowly. "We'll fuck up. Both of us. And each fuck up gives us a chance to figure out ways not to do that again. As long as we stay honest with each other, we'll figure it out."

She sighed softly. They hadn't started that way, being honest. "I- I love you. You know that, right?"

It was odd, the things that were easy to handle in one type of situation and impossible in another. At her declaration, he shuddered hard and hid his head against her. That was just too much and he started to shut down. Of course he knew, but that didn't make a single thing easier.

Luckily for him, she got that and didn't take it badly. It wasn't a rejection. She kissed where she could reach for a moment, then shifted so she could get him on his feet and take him to bed. No point getting all cramped up just because they needed some time.

Once they were standing, she got her arms around his middle and hugged him gently.

That horrible combination of shaky and wired made standing, or at least standing still, a chore and he leaned more heavily against her than he normally did. He let her hug him, feeling far from worthy of that sort of affection, then let her steer him toward the bed.

As the sat, it occurred to him that, because of what he'd done, in his selfishness, they'd guaranteed another day wherever the hell they were. And it was going to be a very shitty day, to boot.

Staying put didn't occur to her until she almost stumbled getting all of his length over to the bed. She settled on her knees in front of him, looking up with a concerned expression. "Can you eat?"

That question earned a rough, broken laugh. "Not hungry." He looked at the bed behind him. "Not going to be able to just lay down, either."

She shook her head. He'd be starving when it wore off and there was no putting him a car until then. Not for more than a quarter hour or so. She glanced back at the bed behind them. "Other uses for that thing."

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