Running away from home. Just like kids.

[neverwrongagent]

Briefings with Saul were getting more and more tense. Carrie could feel the strain on all of them as a real, palpable thing. Beside her, no one had ever had much faith in Brody, which was largely her fault. How could she explain her change of heart without explaining it was exactly that. What was harder was not telling him about how bad it was. Every time she was vague it was a physical pain.

The final straw was a heated conversation about what they would do if he were found out, revealed to be on a mission. They had escape plans, but it was clear very few people in that room gave a damn if they worked. Or if they even existed. She'd been through hell for the man they were dismissing like so much dross and all because... She wasn't that sure why because at this point. It was about Saul, really, and she knew that. That's why when he made a passing comment that made it sound damn like he'd made his decision and Brody didn't figure into it at all, she felt her stomach lurch so badly she almost had to leave the room.

She didn't go to him that night, that would be stupid. She waited a day, all of which was spent wondering when she would throw up. She got there late, just before dark, and sat back to watch the men finish up before meal break. He looked good. Better than when she saw him last, even.

Comments

[posterboymarine]

Feeling somewhat like a fetch and carry boy for the soda, he grabbed the bottle and followed her back to the bed. He handed over the bottle, then grabbed his and sat down on the floor, his back against the side of the bed.

[neverwrongagent]

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile, knowing she was making him run around. "I didn't think bending over for it was a good idea." She took a few small sips, then set it aside so she could reach over and pet his hair. "You could come up, you know. Softer up here." She meant her, not the bed.

[posterboymarine]

He took another drink from his bottle, then looked back over his shoulder at her. "I'll come in a few minutes. Want you to have a chance to settle."

[neverwrongagent]

She nodded a little and closed her eyes as she sipped her drink. It wasn't the best thing to settle her stomach, but the bubbles did help. Finally she closed it, set it on the table, and rolled on her side. She groaned softly. "That can stop any day now, really."

[posterboymarine]

She'd blown him off earlier when he'd asked, so he wasn't feeling very inclined to take that bait. That and he wasn't emotionally ready for it. It was a little too normal.

So his response was to not have a response, past taking another drink.

[neverwrongagent]

Her head wanted a drink but her stomach knew better. She groaned softly and kept caressing his shoulder. The touch helped ground her and relieve her tummy some. She looked at him for a long moment, then closed her eyes.

He wasn't asking her and it really didn't occur to her to press it either way. She'd been avoiding thinking about it for so long anyway. "Tomorrow will be better."

[posterboymarine]

He laughed bitterly at that. "No, babe, tomorrow is going to suck. You should get some sleep, though." He looked at the bottle in his hand. "I promise I'll stay in the room. There might be laws against drunk walking in this town."

[neverwrongagent]

She groaned softly, then pulled the blanket over her head. He was right, of course, but she didn't want to think about it at all. Not now, not tomorrow. "Just don't bounce the bed and all is well."

She snuggled further under the blanket and sighed deeply. Sleep would come quickly, but it wouldn't be restful.

[posterboymarine]

He sat quietly and worked on his bottle of vodka. He wasn't going to sleep but maybe this way he wouldn't think. Maybe this way he wouldn't spin his wheels about how completely unprepared he was to be a father, since that is what it felt like Carrie was saying.

The kid was doomed if he or she had to go through life with a walking dead man as a father. There was no getting around that. Maybe he should just turn himself in, tell them that he coerced her, forced her to break him out. They'd believe it.

He took another pull from the bottle and leaned his head back, eyes closed. Every possible bad ending to this rolled through his head, now that he was alone with his thoughts. Carrie deserved so much better than him, just like Jess and his kids had deserved better than him. Maybe it would have been better if he'd just died in that whole.

He sniffled softly and reached up to wipe the tears from his face. Then it was back to the bottle, back to trying to drown what he wanted to shoot.

[neverwrongagent]

If she'd known what he was thinking, she'd have given him hell about what he was thinking. She was a wreck, broken, and no good for him. Letting themselves think about it with their worst selves wasn't going to help. Not one bit.

And they were in it now. Not just the way they'd bolted, but the thing they hadn't talked about. Losing him for good wasn't going to help that at all. And crazy as it all was, she wanted him. She needed him.

She woke slowly, unconsciously aware that startling him would be bad. Not that she had any idea if he'd slept. Clearly she'd be doing the first leg of the drive. "Brody?"

[posterboymarine]

He looked back at her when she spoke, smiling weakly. "Hey. You slept. I stayed here, right where I promised."

[neverwrongagent]

She groaned softly. "Slept? More like went unconscious." She shrugged. "Not that it wasn't good. It was good."

She shifted on the bed so she could be closer to him and reached for him. "Feeling better?"

[posterboymarine]

He held up his empty vodka bottle. "No." He took her hand with his other and squeezed it. "When?"

[neverwrongagent]

She gave him an entirely sympathetic smile over the vodka. Big as he was, that still had to hurt. When she was up and moving, she'd make sure he had coffee and food. Then she blinked. "When what?"

[posterboymarine]

He nodded toward her belly. "How long?" He was drunk, coming down, and entirely wrapped up in his head. It was the perfect time to address that.

[neverwrongagent]

It was an absolutely brilliant time to discuss this, fraught with no dangers at all. She blinked hard at him, still not sure what he meant. Then she went pale and looked down. "Not exactly sure. It's all like some weird cult, not biology." She licked her lips. "15 weeks?"

And with that, it was the first time she'd said it out loud. At least she said it to him. There was something right about that. Even in the middle of this, there was something right about that.

[posterboymarine]

He tried to count backwards in his head, then sighed and gave up. "Gonna keep it?"

[neverwrongagent]

In her mind it was too late to do anything else. Certainly in Iowa it would be damned hard, even with her medical issues. And the truth was, even though she'd considered ending it, she'd never actually considered that a choice. It was on the table, just way over in the corner, teetering near the edge.

She looked down and shrugged. "Do you have an opinion?"

[posterboymarine]

He pondered that for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. I do." He shifted to look at her, to reach out and touch her belly. "There are probably a hundred reasons to not keep it. And two reasons to." He smiled his drunk, exhausted, junkie smile at her. "You and me."

[neverwrongagent]

She had to blink back hard to keep the tears at any kind of bay. Then she gave up and grabbed him, trying to pull him close. They were idiots, that was a given, but he'd just said the most amazingly romantic thing. It had always been about just them. Just them together.

She put her hand over his on her belly and shivered hard. "Fuck."

[posterboymarine]

"Think that's what got us into this in the first place, babe." He pulled himself up onto the bed and groaned as he pulled her into his arms. "I feel like shit."

[neverwrongagent]

She groaned at his joke and slapped his shoulder as they shifted. Then she cuddled close. The minute she was against him, she felt better. Like a switch was thrown. She hoped it helped him some, too. "I'm sure you do. Too hard living. Need to eat better, blah blah..."

She shook her head. She needed to do that, too. "New rule. We eat well, drink enough water. All that healthy stuff. Starting tomorrow." Or as soon as either of them could eat properly. "I'm pretty sure there are all kinds of complicated rituals about what I'm supposed to eat."

[posterboymarine]

"It's like magic." He settled and closed his eyes. With her heat and his drunk, he was pass out a moment later, his mouth open like he was going to say something.

[neverwrongagent]

She was expecting him to say something too. When he didn't, she looked over and had to clap her hand over her mouth. At least he looked peaceful. She made herself get out of bed to fill him a glass of water and put it on his bedside table. He'd need it.

Then she crawled back in and curled up beside him. He wasn't likely to move much, so she put her head on his chest and closed her eyes to sleep.

[posterboymarine]

His unconsciousness was dreamless and he did not move at all, past to snore. When he did come to, it was to a horrible, blinding headache and dizziness enough to keep him from doing anything but whimpering roughly.