Running away from home. Just like kids.
Briefings with Saul were getting more and more tense. Carrie could feel the strain on all of them as a real, palpable thing. Beside her, no one had ever had much faith in Brody, which was largely her fault. How could she explain her change of heart without explaining it was exactly that. What was harder was not telling him about how bad it was. Every time she was vague it was a physical pain.
The final straw was a heated conversation about what they would do if he were found out, revealed to be on a mission. They had escape plans, but it was clear very few people in that room gave a damn if they worked. Or if they even existed. She'd been through hell for the man they were dismissing like so much dross and all because... She wasn't that sure why because at this point. It was about Saul, really, and she knew that. That's why when he made a passing comment that made it sound damn like he'd made his decision and Brody didn't figure into it at all, she felt her stomach lurch so badly she almost had to leave the room.
She didn't go to him that night, that would be stupid. She waited a day, all of which was spent wondering when she would throw up. She got there late, just before dark, and sat back to watch the men finish up before meal break. He looked good. Better than when she saw him last, even.
The final straw was a heated conversation about what they would do if he were found out, revealed to be on a mission. They had escape plans, but it was clear very few people in that room gave a damn if they worked. Or if they even existed. She'd been through hell for the man they were dismissing like so much dross and all because... She wasn't that sure why because at this point. It was about Saul, really, and she knew that. That's why when he made a passing comment that made it sound damn like he'd made his decision and Brody didn't figure into it at all, she felt her stomach lurch so badly she almost had to leave the room.
She didn't go to him that night, that would be stupid. She waited a day, all of which was spent wondering when she would throw up. She got there late, just before dark, and sat back to watch the men finish up before meal break. He looked good. Better than when she saw him last, even.
Let's try for a happy ending this time
Between the runs and drills and weapons practice, there was still time for the kind of exercise that lowered stress rather than ramping it up. Boys being boys, pick up footbal games happened fairly often. Not just a way to let off steam, they were a way to increase bonding between the team, particularly with a new member. For Carrie, it was a way to watch Brody and evaluate his health and stability. That watching him made her belly clench with need was something she was going to have to deal with on her own time. She added it to the list.
When the game ended and the men headed for water, Carrie caught Brody's eye and nodded slightly to the space beside her. He nodded even more slightly, then worked his way over amidst much back slapping and macho posing. When he flopped down beside her, she shook her head. "It never changes, does it? That particular brand of macho."
He laughed softly and glanced at the guys. "With this bunch? No." And he clearly meant himself in "that bunch". He watched her for a long moment, then looked away. "Little disappointed you weren't waving pom poms."
She rolled her eyes. "Really? Can you pic-- Okay, sure you can picture it, but do you really think I ever did it?"
He sighed deeply. "That's it, kill my fantasy." He bumped her shoulder with his. "You'd have looked adorable."
She rolled her eyes again, but at the same time, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I was even skinnier and jumpier. It wasn't a good look." What she meant was more crazy, but she was sure he knew that. She didn't mention that she'd seen plenty of pictures of him as a teenager, most of them with an equally young Jessica. There was no way she was heading into that minefield.
He took her hand and lifted it so he could kiss it. "It helps, but you know that."
She swallowed hard, then shrugged. "Goes both ways. But you know that."
He nodded, then let the conversation go for a while, seemingly happy to enjoy her company. Not that she had an idea what he was really thinking. All she could go on was how he was with the Seals, how he was during briefings, and how he was when he didn't know she was watching. If asked, she'd say he was doing well and to her eye he was doing better than she'd hoped. Stronger, healthier, calmer. Of course, she knew how fragile it all was.
What she wanted to do was get him alone and use the connection that had always proved so efficient at stabilizing both of them, but the quarters were just too tight and he was already geetting enough grief from the team. Still, she didn't let that stop her from kissing his hand again. There were parts of him she'd prefer to kiss, but privacy was at a premium. Instead she leaned hard against him and sighed softy. Being close was like a battery recharge and she drank it up. She hoped that she was giving him the same thing.
When the game ended and the men headed for water, Carrie caught Brody's eye and nodded slightly to the space beside her. He nodded even more slightly, then worked his way over amidst much back slapping and macho posing. When he flopped down beside her, she shook her head. "It never changes, does it? That particular brand of macho."
He laughed softly and glanced at the guys. "With this bunch? No." And he clearly meant himself in "that bunch". He watched her for a long moment, then looked away. "Little disappointed you weren't waving pom poms."
She rolled her eyes. "Really? Can you pic-- Okay, sure you can picture it, but do you really think I ever did it?"
He sighed deeply. "That's it, kill my fantasy." He bumped her shoulder with his. "You'd have looked adorable."
She rolled her eyes again, but at the same time, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I was even skinnier and jumpier. It wasn't a good look." What she meant was more crazy, but she was sure he knew that. She didn't mention that she'd seen plenty of pictures of him as a teenager, most of them with an equally young Jessica. There was no way she was heading into that minefield.
He took her hand and lifted it so he could kiss it. "It helps, but you know that."
She swallowed hard, then shrugged. "Goes both ways. But you know that."
He nodded, then let the conversation go for a while, seemingly happy to enjoy her company. Not that she had an idea what he was really thinking. All she could go on was how he was with the Seals, how he was during briefings, and how he was when he didn't know she was watching. If asked, she'd say he was doing well and to her eye he was doing better than she'd hoped. Stronger, healthier, calmer. Of course, she knew how fragile it all was.
What she wanted to do was get him alone and use the connection that had always proved so efficient at stabilizing both of them, but the quarters were just too tight and he was already geetting enough grief from the team. Still, she didn't let that stop her from kissing his hand again. There were parts of him she'd prefer to kiss, but privacy was at a premium. Instead she leaned hard against him and sighed softy. Being close was like a battery recharge and she drank it up. She hoped that she was giving him the same thing.
We all fall down
Carrie would remember the next few days as some of the best of her life. She was living with a man she was more comfortable with than she could have imagined, working together for a common goal. Even the visit with his kids went well. She gave him most of Saturday with just them, showing up at dinner time with pizza and cookies. They played board games and chased around her little house until it was time for him to take them back. Then it all went to hell.
They finally found evidence that Walker had met someone on one of his random seeming runs around the District. Before they could act on it, a series of small bombs took out three Metro buses as they approached the city center. A half dozen people were killed, twice that were injured. Had it been one bomb, it would have been bad enough, but three in a concert was particularly frightening for the city. It also put CIA on high alert. The work they'd been doing before was nothing compared to the sudden anger and frustration everyone showed. Plenty of people looked at Brody, and Carrie, as though they'd done something wrong. Brody should have come forward sooner. Carrie shouldn't have trusted him so much. Maybe if they'd come up for air this wouldn't have happened.
Carrie though all that and more, although she never really blamed Brody. At least, not any more than she blamed any of them for missing it. They'd messed up, not gotten to the answer fast enough. For her, everything else fell away. The work was everything and she spent as many hours as she was allowed at work. She had to be shoehorned out of the building to go home and rest, but when she was there she didn't sleep. She only ate when someone put food in front of her. This was the Carrie Brody had never seen, that her family worried about, that Carrie held on a tight leash.
She paced her dining platform, looking at the notes and schedules she had posted to her wall, sure she was still missing something crucial. She had music playing, the kind of jazz that normally settled her, but it wasn't doing shit and she could feel her skin start to crawl, but she had to work, had to figure out where they'd gone wrong.
They finally found evidence that Walker had met someone on one of his random seeming runs around the District. Before they could act on it, a series of small bombs took out three Metro buses as they approached the city center. A half dozen people were killed, twice that were injured. Had it been one bomb, it would have been bad enough, but three in a concert was particularly frightening for the city. It also put CIA on high alert. The work they'd been doing before was nothing compared to the sudden anger and frustration everyone showed. Plenty of people looked at Brody, and Carrie, as though they'd done something wrong. Brody should have come forward sooner. Carrie shouldn't have trusted him so much. Maybe if they'd come up for air this wouldn't have happened.
Carrie though all that and more, although she never really blamed Brody. At least, not any more than she blamed any of them for missing it. They'd messed up, not gotten to the answer fast enough. For her, everything else fell away. The work was everything and she spent as many hours as she was allowed at work. She had to be shoehorned out of the building to go home and rest, but when she was there she didn't sleep. She only ate when someone put food in front of her. This was the Carrie Brody had never seen, that her family worried about, that Carrie held on a tight leash.
She paced her dining platform, looking at the notes and schedules she had posted to her wall, sure she was still missing something crucial. She had music playing, the kind of jazz that normally settled her, but it wasn't doing shit and she could feel her skin start to crawl, but she had to work, had to figure out where they'd gone wrong.
This is spying. Isn't it FUN?
Brody attending the meeting Walker had so casually mentioned turned into a three ring circus. More than one person involved was convinced the whole thing was a wild goose chase, including Carrie occasionally. If she hadn't seen Walker as up close and personal as she had when they were first rescued, she could have been convinced. Maybe sending Brody to a regular meeting for returning vets who were also Muslim was just a kind of fuck you from a man who felt he'd been betrayed by a brother soldier. Or it could be something much more sinister. The problem was, no one could really figure out what that sinister was supposed to be. Carrie continued to maintain that Brody had no idea what was going on.
The questions Brody faced right after the meeting ranged from if he knew any of the people there already to how was he planning to overthrow the US government. When the questions headed that way a majority of the time, Carrie called foul and got Brody out of there. With full understanding of the irony involved, they had decided that the cover that would work best with his family was that he was working with other vets on integrating back into the world. Carrie would have felt a lot worse about that if it was just being used to cover up them fucking around. She still felt pretty shitty about it given how much stress it was putting on him.
They took their own cars back to her place. She got there before him and immediately opened a fresh bottle of wine, leaving a full glass on the counter for him, then she went upstairs to change into something decidedly less official looking.
The questions Brody faced right after the meeting ranged from if he knew any of the people there already to how was he planning to overthrow the US government. When the questions headed that way a majority of the time, Carrie called foul and got Brody out of there. With full understanding of the irony involved, they had decided that the cover that would work best with his family was that he was working with other vets on integrating back into the world. Carrie would have felt a lot worse about that if it was just being used to cover up them fucking around. She still felt pretty shitty about it given how much stress it was putting on him.
They took their own cars back to her place. She got there before him and immediately opened a fresh bottle of wine, leaving a full glass on the counter for him, then she went upstairs to change into something decidedly less official looking.
Rescued?
When the posters went up showing the two members of the Marine sniper team who'd gone missing, Carrie Mathison stood and stared at them. She didn't see two Marines in their uniforms, though, she saw only one of them half dressed on a rooftop looking up at the blanket of stars. She saw a sweet smile from a man who was too far from home and was trying to hold onto his humanity. Every time she passed the posters, even if she didn't turn to look, she was as aware of them as if someone had reached out and grabbed her. Months went by and the sensation never weakened.
Then came word that they'd been found, that two Marines had been found in neighboring camps. Both men were in rough shape: dehydrated, beaten and demoralized. One was worse than the other, but first reports didn't make it clear which it was and Carrie held her breath until she knew that Brody was in better physical shape. Not that she asked or spoke to anyone about knowing him. The moment she said a word, they'd pull her out of it all and that wasn't happening.
The men were kept apart while they were cleaned up. Carrie read both files, but it was Brody's she kept going over and over in her head. She knew every detail of what they'd found out so far. On the outside it probably seemed cruel to interrogate the men so soon, but the sooner they got it done, the better. These men were headed home, at least for a while, and it would be harder to get solid information from them when they were there.
It wasn't until minutes before she walked into the room that Carrie knew for sure which man she was going to debrief. She was ready to bounce out of her skin by the time she walked in, a feeling that vanished immediately when she saw him. "Sergeant Brody? I'm Carrie Mathison. I'm here to ask you some questions."
Then came word that they'd been found, that two Marines had been found in neighboring camps. Both men were in rough shape: dehydrated, beaten and demoralized. One was worse than the other, but first reports didn't make it clear which it was and Carrie held her breath until she knew that Brody was in better physical shape. Not that she asked or spoke to anyone about knowing him. The moment she said a word, they'd pull her out of it all and that wasn't happening.
The men were kept apart while they were cleaned up. Carrie read both files, but it was Brody's she kept going over and over in her head. She knew every detail of what they'd found out so far. On the outside it probably seemed cruel to interrogate the men so soon, but the sooner they got it done, the better. These men were headed home, at least for a while, and it would be harder to get solid information from them when they were there.
It wasn't until minutes before she walked into the room that Carrie knew for sure which man she was going to debrief. She was ready to bounce out of her skin by the time she walked in, a feeling that vanished immediately when she saw him. "Sergeant Brody? I'm Carrie Mathison. I'm here to ask you some questions."