"Okay, no apologies. The truth." She nodded slowly, doing calculations in her head that she couldn't possibly have explained to anyone, even him. As she ran through all the possibilities she could see, she touched his chest lightly. She did it without thinking, the one thing that was outside her thoughts and pure feeling. "I knew my place over there, knew how far I could go in being with you. Here I didn't know and so I pulled away. I've been a mistress before and I suck at it. I mean really fucking suck."